10:00

Coffee #1… module #1.  Patience.  Keep movement consistent, but be patient.  Be mindful of the process.

No time to settle into the day, I just start writing it.  Reaching out to B, trying to set up a meeting or quick call later.  Growth versus Acquisition in the MDU space.

Office quiet, just as the writer prefers.  Walked around the office a bit ago, not many here.

Looking at every division I’m the trainer for.  Three total.  Changing curriculum and somewhat keeping it in place.

Curriculum for the day – NEWNESS.

New ideas, notes, bits to put into certain courts.  Yesterday feeling like I had nothing to write, and I really didn’t as nothing was happening.  I was just in that goddamn chair.  Should have worked more offsite, lesson to SELF.

No run this morning, and too much to do to run at lunch, so the writer may actually go somewhere and have a quiet spell to SELF.

Writing and circling…. Entire day, what do I produce.  How do I make this day into an avalanche  of fortune, something upon which to build and amplify, project if that makes sense.

Thoughts of being stuck, and not progressing because of indecision, regret later in life, seriously scare the shit out of me.  Left bed with these thoughts, and they suffocated me on the entire fucking drive over here…

Like a fog with claws, digging around my person, muting the radio, drowning out the morning.
The wheel in my hands felt like a dead anchor, not a guide.
Every red light was a lecture on wasted time, every turn reminding that I’ve been circling the same block for years.

This stops to-fucking-day.

And the fear—wasn’t about failing.
It was about standing still.
Rotting in some self-scribed stall where all I do is replay what-ifs.
What if I had said yes.
What if I had fought harder.
What if I had walked away sooner.

That’s the trap.  And fuck that.
We don’t regret the things we did.
We regret the chances we strangled too soon because we were too tired, too scared, too unsure of what draft of character might stroll out the other side.

So I sat there, holding the steering wheel like a lifeline, promising myself something I’ve promised a thousand times but never really meant…

I will not be paralyzed by indecision.
I will not give my ten years from now self a library of regrets to sift through like collected obituaries.
If I fall, I fall moving.