I need to do EVERYTHING this writer’s able to, to wake early and run in the harshest of morning hours.  5 or 6.  Early.  I want it to be difficult, painful, even rolling eyes at the prospect of the run.  But I’ll fucking do it anyway, which I should have done a bit ago, launching, but moving on.

12:36 finishing lunch.  Nurse calling me, checking in, telling me she’s going to lunch with her young Nurse daughter, then a couple other to-do’s before coming out.  Little over 30 minutes to self.  In break area, or Market as I call it.  People talking and I’m trying not to be distracted, turning and spinning and breathing from a relief-set rile in seeing Stories in everything.

No looking or excuses for not writing.  I still do that, fucking asking myself “What do I write?….Should I be singular?….This is boring.”

Exactly the kind of shit I would tell my students NOT to.do.

And here I am.  Fucking hypocrite.

Not a healthy mind, this sort of inward communication so I switch and self-lift, thinking about a walk around the office or outside.  Or, possibly even head to the loft and finish the day there.

After the 3 PM meeting I’ll head north, to Windsor… my little writer’s town.  More and more lately thinking of the Town, those music nights on the Green and how the season has passed.  Just like that.  Fucking Summer, DONE.

How.  Why.  Well, no use wondering.  Move on, keep the day on the page.  Still more time to self, how to use to the utmost.  Talking to myself like a character would before some major life decision.

Is that what’s happening here, and I don’t know it?

Make yourself happy, I remind today’s Mike Madigan.  I forgot about this principle, I’ll admit.  Reminded of it for some reason in a meeting earlier where a successful Field Sale Rep told the team about his day-to-day, where his thoughts are and how he self-talks himself into action, and to the desired result(s).

He and his wife going on vacation next month I believe, and the revenue is not a topic or something to think about just something he’s told himself he will reach.  I amidst him for that immensely and so just like that the thought of making myself happy and just deciding to fucking do something reappeared.