In office early.
Coffee, class in an hour.
Didn’t sleep well last night, and not letting my head get set in anything opposite of favorable.
Nurse calls me, wishing me a great day. Followed by a few ILU’s… there, the writer is better.
08:13… staying in this free-write, this setting and sitting, although I’m standing. For ME…
General Manager of this project, this life, everything attached and entailed.
Teaching today, and writing notes for the session on a little pad, one of probably seven or eight I’ve taken from the supplies closet on the other side of the floor.
Walked around the building once, after call with Nurse… short meditation, stopping the day, for me, just for a second.
Attitude and Activity, what I told the new Rep, yesterday at lunch. And it’s true… so, this writer, teacher, or trainer, whatever I am, enacting now. Actuating what I advocate.
Deciding to STOP listening, to most things and people. Making MYself happy. And I start here.
It’s often our own moods that weigh us, that keep us still and pummel us into pessimism. But this morning, I’m enjoying a delightful case of the fuck-it’s. Haven’t done this in a while… and I have to say, it feels amazing.
Credit to the Nurse…. And, I will say, credit to ME. Yeah, ME… Going to write that again—
CREDIT.TO.ME.
There is no victim in this writer, only strength. Only conviction. Certainly no motherfucking fear. Not a slice or slice of a slice. No drop, droplet, grain.. nothing.
Oh my god… this feels fucking amazing. No… better than that. What is this? Who gives a…. No, done entertaining it.
No distractions or diversions, tangents, none.
I’m a storm today, and I’m watching it. Like those times you see rain or some planet-size cloud approaching, dark and narrative, you know what’s going to happen… those flashes, deafening crashes. And, here I am.
People walking by, on their way to meetings, me a meeting of one, here, meditative like outside but I bring that sun and air and blue with no filter or interruption. Just THIS.
Then I imagine, there doesn’t need to be an imagining, or fantasizing, wondering. Just actuating, materializing, or “manifesting” as so many now just love to say and posture with authority.
You know what, good for them. ‘Cause maybe that’s what this is. And, again, why concern. Just enjoy the life entailed.
Dad once told me, “If you allow others to think for you then you’re incapable of thinking for yourself.” Yep. Finally I not only get it, but sense it on a molecular level.
All molecules committed, composing the Story, and then the pages become me. they become REAL… all this now not in the conceptual stage.
Fear…. I love it. Because I remind myself that I allow it. If, I allow it. Let’s say I do, so I can utilize it. Explore and study it, see it as a tool, a ride.
Yes, and I buy the ticket. And DECIDE to drive.