That’s what I’m promising.

Appropriate precursor for the new year.

Finally at the desk after making a second pass at Peet’s.  Just a small coffee.  Now here, meditative.  Not expecting anything.  Just intaking the morning and this room.

Building my fortitude, or compiling character in a way I never have.  I can see myself changing.  Becoming more sovereign in my life, work, and other.

Music on, and me spending time with my own thoughts like I told the Nurse I was doing at Peet’s.  Designing the Story I demand of myself.  Writing it to reality.  What else can I do?

Not just a storm of affirmations, but…. Or maybe it is that. I don’t know.  Okay, so then what do I tell myself first?  What to I “speak into existence”, as people say?

Today is going to be attitude and Story-reshaping.  Okay, agreed.  And yes.

When some things happen, or certain energies invade or encroach on my limits, I become undone.  Why?  Why do you let that happen, why do you let certain moods materialize?

You tell them not to, I’ve found that to be the only remedy.  And not be distracted from new fortitude.

Listening to some LoFi of course this morning, heater going, sipping coffee slow… and inventorying emotions and thoughts, goals, possibilities, everything.  Peace in the simple, asking myself from moment to moment, “Does this bring me peace, joy, new knowledge?”

One time the Nurse told me, quite bluntly, “You talk yourself out of some shit.” Implying, or not at all implying but calling me out on that fact that I doubt myself to a compromising degree.  And she’s right.  But what I’m seeing this morning is that I can talk myself out of that habit.

AND…. I can talk myself out of moods and letting these negative dragons tilt my character one way or another.  I can talk myself out of any low estimation, be a concern with SELF, or any possible outcome.  Thereby talking myself INTO a profusely positive BEAT.

Now I’m getting somewhere

With more sky

More togetherness and eager snare and riff

New songs and the fang-hearted aren’t let in

Another file, another seat

Another corrosive measure

All they can sing

But I’m in another row

Songs echo with lighter and cleaner course

:;:;:;:;

The poems fly at me this morning.  As do healing thoughts, and new education on ME, what I need and deserve, what I should stay away from and not with other people or anything outside but right here in this writer’s mind.

Talking myself out of some shit, like the Nurse says.  And in the healthiest and most profitable, yes… profitable, way.

A day of ME, indeed.