5 Comments Add yours

  1. Jose Flores says:

    I am sitting at my kitchen table. My day has just began as I have woken up later then usual. Everyone in the house has began to sleep in later then normal so it is still quiet around. A mug of yesterday’s coffee is warming up in the microwave as I begin yet another session of apartment hunting. We need to be out of our Rohnert Park home by May 1’st. Where we end up, who knows, but another apartment hunting session should get us closer to wherever it may be.

    Like

  2. Jordanna Chaille says:

    I’m sitting in my home office contemplating my collegiate existence. Let’s start with the question running obsessively through my mind. How am I doing in my English class? F*****g garbage probably. I had nearly debilitating anxiety each Wednesday when I walk into class. Each week I have to give myself a pep talk that I’m not a useless student and to just make it into the class to mentally and emotionally engage with my colleagues. This is a new feeling for me this semester, dreading a class. I question if this will get any better now that we are all stuck at home and meeting virtually only. Probably not, I think, probably never.

    I’ve lost all my balls and confidence after getting laid off last year. I went from a corporate job with significant responsibility, at least on the local level. Also had a team to manage that respected and worked hard for me. Now, I’m just some pathetic office manager of sorts. Goodbye six figure salary and comfortable living.

    The idea of coming back to school was stemmed specifically to obtain a degree to stop from getting filtered out of any potential job and career opportunities. Fall semester 2019 was my first real step in the direction of becoming a real college student. We can’t count Empire College since it’s just a crap “school” for profiteering on idiots like me looking for a condensed timeframe to get an Associates degree. Now, I’m not so dumb and understand that a shit school that is not accredited will get you absolutely zero credits to transfer anywhere.

    So, there I was March 2019, jobless with no hearty prospects on the horizon. The several job interviews I went to all ended up essentially telling me I was far too overqualified for the job and would be bored. And the “good jobs” that would fit my experience and qualifications would never even see my resume. Thank you, analytics, for filtering me out due to the absence of a bachelors degree. With all the time on my hands, why not enroll back in college and hope to get a bachelors before I turn forty, if I’m lucky.

    My Fall 2019 semester was a huge success for me, especially given the closures due to power outages and fires. I still made it with straight A’s. Even better, was the confidence I gained from my English class. While I didn’t speak up much, the teacher provided significant encouragement to my writing. Like, it actually seemed like I knew what I was doing. No longer was I writing business correspondence and technical papers, I was now writing with creative and analytical thought.

    This confidence is all but wiped completely away this semester. I’m shy and freeze under pressure to produce creativeness on the spot. I’m not “lucky” enough to have hardships like children to write about. My life is a bore. This is definitely in part to the particularly self-inflicted isolation from the world outside of work. Even with family, I’ve become more isolated. I don’t want to go anywhere or be around anyone expect for my dogs and husband.

    Am I depressed? Socially broken from lack of confidence and significance in the world. What can I bring to the table anymore. I’m clearly not creative enough to stand out in any capacity. While I know I tell great stories verbally, when put on the hook to write about them in on demand I come up mostly empty. I think it’s the pressure to try and impress that I am good and coming to the depressing realization that my writing is crap. So much for that memoir I wanted to write, who the hell would read it if I can’t even get out decent work in a junior college level English class. Just quit, right? I’ve invested too much time already and need to find my niche to looking forward to this writing again. Maybe the time to self-reflect in this forced shelter will reengage my creativity to just keep pushing forward.

    Like

    1. mikemadigan says:

      Text me… 707-322-7289. ❤️

      Like

  3. cjfilice says:

    I am staring at the walls in my room for one of the last times. I am more staring at how my things on the walls are arranged for one last time. One of my roommate lost her job as she works in the food service industry so I am moving out of my dwelling on Wednesday. I’m excited and nervous. Along with everything that’s going on, this is the first time I will actually have my own place. I’m listening to my roommates’ baby cry. I’m listening to one of my roommate talk really loudly to her mom on the phone while her boyfriend is talking in his loud normal voice to the baby, trying to comfort her. These things that used to bother me don’t so much anymore. I say roommates but these people were my friends long before I ever moved in with them. I’m probably not going to see them for a long time as they are moving to the East Bay. I didn’t think that I would miss them but I already do and I haven’t even left yet.

    Like

  4. Kate Nunez says:

    Where am I? On a couch or walking on a path of piano keys as I listen to Overture by AJR? Both, really. Here, I continue to keep typing and responding to as many posts as possible in here not just for credit, but because I want to get back into loving writing and not making it feel like a chore for school. Even though I’m still on a couch, I’m walking on those keys that begin with a sweet entrance and go into a kind of confusing beat with honestly, randomness and chaos everywhere. But walking on it makes me think of everything that lead to that song and everything that is leading me into my own future song that will also be chaos and randomness. Although, the song does remind me of the Soul trailer, which I am hoping to see since Overture is used in its trailer and because the movie looks full of life and music. That’s how I also want to be with my writing and life. So currently, I am on a couch. Now with a different song, I’m no longer on piano keys but maybe flute keys and the strings of a guitar creating a lively song full of auto tune known as My Ordinary Life by The Living Tombstone. For a song with “ordinary” in it, it certainly isn’t, especially the music video. Unfortunately, I just can’t help but love this song and press repeat. Now on this path, I’ll see what other ones I’ll be on while sitting on a couch.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s