Lunch done and me with thoughts atop thoughts.  Gratitude intoned and thrown.  Not sure where to start, other than I feel so free.  The Nurse and I reflect and converse about this a lot.  Just a few minutes ago actually over text.

Going through new pictures taken on T7, of…..  You’ll later know.  But another clap of gratitude.  I take the moment I’m in, and drill further.  Quiet, music, the LoFi station I found, water,   Nurse’s guitars on the wall reminding me to be even more a music-sipper than before.  Find anything and everything.  

Downstairs, I couldn’t eat in quiet.  I needed something.  So, jazz.  Calm, watching the cat, Tiny, walk around me and stare at the sliding screen door as if to so directly and indirectly order me to open it.

Sorry dude, no.

Upstairs and forcing self to write with more freed speed.  Thought of days in San Carlos, grammar school, middle, high school, and how I got to be this age.  Time not caring, so what should I do—  What can I do?

Nothing.  So stop talking about it.  No more rearview obsession.

Rather, and again – reminder to SELF – be HERE.  In Vacaville, bobbing head to these beats.  Thinking a drive to Oregon, Sunriver, would pair brightly with these BPM’s and echoing chords.

Where’s that Nurse—

At work, I know.

But, still, her voice,

That look,

Our coffee dates,

Following me from task to task,

I’m working but not, just a bat,

Upside down in my focus.

So what—

>>>>>

Writing onward, fighting distractions.  Texts and emails and posts and whatever else.  I am working, but maybe not in the job description fashion.

You know what I mean.

Writing freely and enjoying the fuck out of my freedom.  More HST than Kerouac.  My writing is now meant to combat distraction.  I’m not hearing them.

Pretending I’m conveniently deaf and blind.  Meaning I hear the playlist and see these words but anything else is dissolved before it evolves to anything tangible, that can grab me.  

A little cabin fever about he writer, now.  What do I do?  Nurse doesn’t know when she’s off, and I am technically still on duty.  Not even technically, I AM.  So… stay in the chair I guess.  Think about travel, where the Nurse and I are going.

One trip planned, then another.  And more.  Me here nearly distracted by window-shopping for destinations, everything from Asia to Paris and Portugal, Turkey, Australia… wherever.

Dreaming, why not.  This is a free write, so Mike Madigan sells his Story and people follow, learn some new things maybe.  Documenting with camera then writing.  (Remember, writing taking a backseat with content creation and gathering, documenting… the camera is now KING.)

Slowing down, me and the day.  No one messaging, wonder if I should just get out of the house.  Go for a drive or run an errand that I can’t fucking think of right now.  Or, just open a beer and listen to more of this new LoFi list.  Huh…

Sorry, dude.  NO.