Education, curriculum.  For the character, SELF.

Tried taking a power nap back at the house but unable.  And I’m grateful for the failure to go to sleep… teaching self today that not only less is more and better, but to not hold self back from starting new projects extended from momentary curiosity.

Loud, this place.  But I love it.  I love combatting the distractions, writing through them.

In being a professor, not sure what of, if anything writing and journaling, I remover myself from the obligatory, from pressure.  Rather, embracing the unknown, curiosity… acquisition of new ideas no matter how much a reach they might be.

Waiter stops by, Thomas.  He’s hustling, moving quick, running as the Nurse says when having a busy day in her ward.

Not stopping till I find something… what is this about, this new focus on curriculum … more than just the sales training frame and forum.  Taking a break, taking a sip, send the Nurse a message…

Back from a couple sips and checks of emails and feeds and whatever other time suck I could let find me.

Today….  Self-care and exploration of ideas.  Teaching myself to kick the self-doubt out the door like you would a non-paying tenant.  Just what it is, I realize.  Of course.

Called the HR Dept of the college I used to teach at, SRJC.  Gave my flashbacks of grading however many papers and stacks of papers without pay, and how there is no fucking way I would eve4r go back to that but still want to exchange ideas with other writers and readers, be in the classroom, but not.

So this new story IS the platform and diving board into the bullseye ride.  Living from this…. My thoughts and pages.

Jump by Van Halen I just noticed is on, then goes away.  Music… my focus is there beginning and I feel where I’ll be taken with this book.  Deciding to STOP doubting this new SELF, this freed Mike Madigan.

…

When back home I collect and see things with a sterling clarity.  My future wife’s smile trying on dresses with her daughter and friends, I can’t speak or focus but I force myself.

Putting away laundry as promised, and educating self… new curriculum, teaching those that profess, yes I used that word, about curriculum, what it really means.

The ROADmap and aim, the sought outcome, otherwise we’re just assigning to assign.

I’m not doing that.  And I’m at an age where I won’t do that.

3:13 PM —> The STRENGTH Curric’, and this music, more in the mood of music and what mood it writes for me or what we write concertedly.

Slowing pace, in my own maze.  I know the way, not an equation, but a beautiful basin, blazed in truth and something new ado.